Help Wanted

What if there weren't enough writers for publishers? What if they had to solicit in the Help Wanted pages?

Seeking Talented Authors - any genre that can make us lots of money - creativity a plus, able to write a complete sentence, cut and paste, use spell check, and format properly - must start work at 5 am laboring until midnight, 7 days a week (occasional Sundays off), work with editors named Jennifer and Katie that like you only to your face, and agents that never return your calls. No benefit package. Must possess M.F.A. or have great life experience, and thousands of people who know you and are willing to buy your book. Travel and promote your book on your dime with the slight chance of breaking out -- Starting salary - Nothing until we see your query, synopsis, first three chapters, and maybe ... just maybe, ask you for a partial ... you'll have to wait six months ... then we may decide to make you an offer ... toss it around some more ... edit the hell out of it ... you'll get a third of your advance upon signing, a third at delivery of a perfect manuscript, a third at publication ... could be anywhere from 2k to 10k for your first book - slave wages ... Must work two jobs or keep your old job until you write your fifth or six book. Come join our creative team, you'll love every minute of it!

Oh yeah, oh yeah ... can't you see us standing in line for that job?

But here I sit ... waiting my turn in line.

Next!

Blessings to you and yours.