Humorous?

I'm not sure just how funny I am ... but last night, I'm lying in bed thinking about my life growing up ... and I start laughing and laughing at all the hilarious stuff we did as kids. Growing up in a blue collar, middle-class world - we were sheltered. Poor but sheltered. Hicks from the suburbs.

I should've kept those memories fresh. I could've used them later. During the years (before, during and after) 'the divorce from hell' - I forgot how to laugh. I remember thinking, after several spring times, that it'd been years since really listening to the birds sing. I had traveled a road with lots of potholes and had forgotten that life needs to be laughed at once in a while.

So I'm laying there, thinking about how much fun it was to put things in layaway! My gosh, we couldn't afford to buy crap, but we knew how to use layaway! Just looking at the ticket from time to time, got us excited. It was like saving dimes in a dime book. You knew ... eventually ... the day would come and you would be able to make that last payment at Montgomery Wards, or JCPennys, or K-Mart ... and you could take your forty dollars worth of purchases home. Man-o-man, those were the days. It was Christmas time in the suburbs!

Buying school clothes at my house was first a trip to Goodwill, then maybe K-mart. Occasionally, JCPenny got our business if they had a good sale. But my poor sisters usually got my hand-me-downs. Mom could go to Goodwill and buy a carload of clothes for twenty bucks. She was pretty proud of that.

I just laughed as I thought about living with no toaster, using the oven instead. No such thing as a microwave in my house. Not until years later, when we bought an old model of the Amana Radar Range, remember those? It had to be the biggest, honkin' piece of metal microwave ever invented. Took up the entire countertop next to the stove. Eventually, Daddy installed it over the oven. As far as I know, that thing is probably still in use.

And of course, Mama bought us shoes at the grocery store. She'd make us lie down in the Produce Section, "Here, try these on!" Cheap pieces of plastic, tied together with string. You couldn't try both on at the same time and get up and walk around. Lord, no ... you tripped all over yourself! It was about that time you'd see somebody you knew from school walk past with their Mama and stare. You knew that girl would never buy shoes from the grocery store. Hell no. They wore shiny penny loafers with new pennies in the slot. Bought from Nobles Shoe Store ... right next to Isley Brothers Ice Cream Store where they would be rewarded after buying their new shoes.

Going to the grocery store was a trip. Daddy drove, because my mama didn't have her license. He'd sit in the car and wait. And wait. For hours. And we did too. It was either that, or follow Mama around in the A&P and get yelled at. "Don't ask me for nothin'!" Sometimes, we'd just pray she'd buy a cool cereal. Like Lucky Charms, or Cocoa Puffs. But it was always ... oatmeal and maybe Cheerios. Damn.

Mmm-mmm - But when I think about ice cream, I think about Isley Brothers where I had might have had the privilege of eating there once or twice. Too expensive! Mama would wail. But we were lucky, because Daddy loved ice cream from Stricklands. This famous "soft custard" stands out by the Akron Airport. We'd get our baths and wear our pajamas to Stricklands. Course, Mama would make us all get SMALL cones. But it was the best around. Still is, as far as I know. We'd hang out the car window, drooling. Daddy would walk back with six cones in a cardboard container ... it was heaven. And the first one done had to sit and watch everybody else eat. That was miserable. So you tried to lick your cone slow. But hot August nights, it was a challenge not to let that chocolate cone drip on your clean pajamas ... you could get a whippin' for that.

Remember when McDonald's opened? My mom was in heaven. She could feed the whole fam damily for six bucks. Every Sunday after Sunday School. Just like clockwork. We'd head to McDonalds on Market Street in our blue LTD station wagon. Cheeseburger, fries, and a coke we shared with another sibling. We were rich, we thought.

Ahhh, the list goes on. Drive-in movies ... Playgrounds at the drive-in movies were the best. Walking trips up to the 'store' for candy and bottle of pop. (Pop you bought from hauling a wagon full of empty bottles back for return money.) Playing on the school playground during the summer when nobody was around. Man, it was cool ... you never had wait for your turn on the monkey bars. Fried bologna sandwiches. Butter and sugar sandwiches on white bread. (What did moms of the 60s know about nutrition? NOT MUCH.) PopTARTS! Omigosh ... we ate them raw. (Not toasted.) Just opening the bag and smelling them today, brings back memories.

Cool whip ... when that came out, we thought we died and went to heaven. Mama would bitch and moan because somebody's finger had always made a gouge in the cool whip container. Usually mine. Of course, all our meals were either fried, or made with soup. Casseroles were the things during the late 60s and early 70s.

We had a grape vine in our back yard. And cherry and mulberry trees. Those were the only sweets we got sometimes. And we'd climb those trees and that grape vine and eat until we were sick. Our clothes and shoes would be stained ... and we'd be covered with bug bites, but we didn't care. It was better than sitting in the house. We didn't have computers, or TV games, or videos. No such thing. If you stayed indoors, you better be sick or prepared to work, because my mama would put your lazy ass butt to cleaning floors, scrubbing bathrooms, or ironing piles of clothes. No kidding. (Man, I hated the smell of Comet, Clorox, and Murphy's liquid oil soap. I still do.)

Rolling down the hill, especially before bed, was always fun. Then we'd lie in bed and itch for hours. Did you ever use cardboard to slide down a hill? We did. It was sledding without snow. And if we ever had the good fortune to get a huge box to play with ... the things we didn't do to and in that box would amaze you. Making tents over clotheslines ... hiding from boys ... begging to go swimming at Jindra's Landing. Now there's one for the memory books.

Jindra's Landing was a stinky lake made into a swimming hole. Complete with lifeguards (all of the Jindra kids) and a Concession Stand. It's where I got hooked on Reese's Peanut Butter cups. But every summer, all the way into high school, it was the hang out for kids from school during the summer. You wore your best bathing suit. And that's a story for another day. My religious mother would not let me wear bathing suits below my belly button. Oh no. But then, me being the rebellious teenager, I pulled them down anyway. Then there was the day she caught me. Ha! My ass was grass for a few weeks. (The rest of the summer was devoted to heavy labor and being up to my elbows in Comet and Clorox.)

And of course, those days you were on your period ... how did you explain that to the boys who wondered why you weren't going in the pool (or lake - as it was)? But you were a pretty cool chick if you could dive off the high dive like the boys. Oh man, I remember sitting on beach towels listening to the Beach Boys, the Monkees, and Paul Revere and the Raiders, and catching occasional news reports of the latest casualties from in Vietnam. (I guess that's not humorous ... just a memory.)

I could go on and on, I suppose ... the list is endless. I'm still laughing at some of the stuff we did. I need to think of fried bologna sandwiches next time I get a rejection letter or feel my bones creaking.

I may not be a funny writer, necessarily, but I can sure think of some funny crap we pulled as ignorant hick kids growing up in Portage County, Ohio and weekend trips to West Virginia, or Marietta. Those were the days, my friend.

I believe writers need some humor to draw from ... there's enough pain in ones life to write about.

Blessings to you and yours.